Bye Bye Brazil

For our last 2 days in Bahia (and Brazil, and South America), the three of us moved to another hotel closer to the water to check out these legendary Bahia beaches and gorgeous blue waters.  Unfortunately, we either picked the wrong beach or just didn’t do the right kind of research and were massively disappointed by the beaches, especially after coming from Rio.  The sand was hard enough to ride a bike on, there was lots of seaweed in the water, no waves, no Ivan’s caiprinhas  –  but at least the water was warm.

Despite the beach disappointment, our budget hotel did have an awesome rooftop pool, the first air conditioning I’d slept in in weeks, and most importantly wifi in my bed.  I really didn’t realize exactly how much I missed wifi in bed until it was re-bestowed upon me.  For some people it’s breakfast in bed that gives them that sensation of relaxation, for me just give me my laptop, gmail, facebook and vice.  All I need in the morning.  And maybe a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice.

For our last day, despite the disappointing beach I still wanted to spend my time soaking up the Brazilian sun and getting those last minute rays on my buttcheeks.  And my masochistic side also figured it would be fun to hang out with Louco again so we coordinated meeting up at the lighthouse at 13:00 hours so I told him, “Great see you at 2!” because I’m an idiot.

As I waited on the beach pacing back and forth along the rocks a guy came up to me and started speaking to me in Portuguese.  I responded with my standard “Disculpa, nao falo portuguese” and then he asked if I spoke some Spanish.  Oh boy here we go.  The guy was a big black dude in a tiny speedo.  Generally speaking the conversation went something like this (obviously translated because trying to recreate my butchery of the Portuguese and Spanish languages would just be offensive)

Guy: Where are you from?
Me: New York
Guy: Are you here on vacation?
Me: Yes, I’m waiting to meet my friend
Guy: Your boyfriend?
Me: Sure why not…
Guy: I saw you, I like your skinny figure
Me: uhhh thanks…
Guy: What do you do?
Me: bartender (does pouring and shaking motion)
Guy: I’m a shrimp fisherman
Me: Oh nice…
Guy: Do you date black guys? (why do black guys always ask that like they’re some kind of unheard of taboo entity?)
Me:  Umm, I have.  But my boyfriend is white
Guy:  African men, will love you….stronger
Me: (uncomfortable laugh)
Guy: It’s true.  We are dark because of the warmth of the sun.  We are better lovers and love you stronger, we are warmer people
Me: Oh look!  There’s my boyfriend!  Gotta go!

Thankfully Louco had chosen that moment to walk up.  And as I learned, is much more normal and less “louco” when he’s sober.  So the last day in Brazil ended up being rather pleasant, relaxing on the beach, “swimming” on the shallow Bahia beach, and heading back to the rooftop pool for a swim and beautiful sunset over Salvador.  A very nice relaxing to the end of a very nice trip through South America.

And very necessary because the next day was spent flying from Salvador to Sao Paulo to Mexico City to Los Angeles – which was a long day and fucking sucked but thankfully at the end of it I got to visit my family in Los Angeles.

Onward to Tahiti! Allons-y!