My alma mater, SUNY Geneseo, is probably one of the least diverse universities in New York State. When I attended, there was a 10% minority population, a third of which was Asian, and I’d say 95% of that was adopted Asian girls that had been saved from being drowned in a river by infertile white folk. So when I say I went out last night with 4 black guys, 2 hispanic girls and myself, you see how bizzare it is that all of us attended SUNY Geneseo. In fact, I think we represented the entire minority population of the school for the four years I was there.
Everything started typically enough with me not having any idea that I was going out when I went to work at 10am and by the time I got out of work at 11pm I was racing home to change into club attire and meet up with Ex-Fiancee and co at Greenhouse. Ironically, Greenhouse is also known as being one of the most racist clubs in NYC – I really think the group of us must have some kind of penchant for being racially abused.
When I got to Greenhouse, the front of the club was PACKED. You’d think they were giving away free fried chicken and dumplings the way people were lined up outside of that place. Fortunately I was able to see ex-fiancee’s 6’4″ figure hovering over the rest of the crowd and I joined them in line as the door guy told the security guy, ” Get all the guys off this line. I better see nothing but hot girls on this line,” at which point my friends were pulled out and the door guy started shooing the girls in and handing some of us comp tickets. A promoter went up to the door guy and started complaining that some of his girls weren’t getting tickets to which the door guy responded, “I’m not giving the big girls comps. They can pay the cover, or they can not go in.” Welcome to New York!
As Y and I were rushed through the line (with comps!) we stood off to the side in the smoking area waiting for the guys to get in. 10 minutes and a forced $200 bar tab later the guys joined us and we headed to the bar where their tab was kept. Ready for my first drink of the night (I feel very awkward at a club without a cup in my hand, even if it’s just club soda) I cheers’d the group and proceeded to take in my surroundings. Upstairs had been packed and they were playing a mix of top 40’s and house. In the downstairs corner we were ushered to, there were about 25 people, all of which were black or hispanic, and they were playing hip-hop. Back of the bus anyone?
The girls behind us, despite it only being around 12:15 were apparently wasted and dancing sloppily (I thought all blacks and hispanics could dance?) and Y turns to me confidentially and yells over the music “They’re Wu girls!”
“What are Wu girls?”
They didn’t look Asian, nor did they look like members of the illustrious Tang Clan. I gave the girls another once over as one of them threw her arms up,
Ah. Now I get it. And they continued to do that at 5 minute intervals for the rest of the night. White girl wasted…wooooo!!
A little while later our group started dancing a bit and Ex-Fiancee came up and reminded me to do the white girl dance that was so well embraced in Geneseo. For those of you unfamiliar with it, it consists of putting on any kind of music, pop, rap, rock, dance, country, polka – fist pumping on one side, hopping up and down and stomping your opposite foot. Think, 50% white power salute, 50% Hitler march, but performed on a pogo stick. I miss the days of being the best dancer in the bar.
Feet being tired of stomping, I decided to take it easy at the bar with L who had just gotten back from Electric Zoo when two Asian guys started coming towards us which immediately set my radar off. Not that they were weird looking or awkward AKA not FOBs hoping I spoke Mandarin type, but I caught the Asian side glance that to big American eyes is undetectable, but is easily caught by my squinty Asian eyes. Fortunately at that exact moment Westchester stepped in and started talking to them since he recognized them as the owners or something of a custom clothing shop or something like that, while they kept giving me the sneaky Asian check out.
I felt like this would be the opportune time to check out the upstairs since the guys had killed their bar tab and the group of us headed out with the two Asians sort of in tow until they realized I was surrounded by big black guys and they turned around and stayed in the basement. They no rikey Rush Hour. Our guys headed over to steal drinks from DC’s “friend’s” table who had done nothing to help the guys get in, so the least he could do was give them some vodka. I on the other hand had opted to drink in moderation for once and was still on my first drink. (This will be relevant later) Not 5 seconds after arriving at the table DC and I are dancing on the couch which resulted in me nearly twisting my ankle and falling so I opted for the floor at which point I picked up a random white girl who decided she wanted to dance white girl wasted with me.
The end of that dance signaled a good time for us to go back to the “back of the bus” and dance and love and dance again. Plus we had left DC’s friend from the Czech Republic in the hip hop cove by herself and someone pointed out, “she’s probably the only white girl in that room” and we rushed down to rescue his Eastern European escort.
Sometime around 3 am I decided it was time to call it a night for me as I wanted to be moderately responsible and do productive things in the morning. The rest of the guys stayed and ended up getting 2 bottles and closing down the club. I got into my car and started brainstorming how I would write about my nice Geneseo night out. 10 minutes later I was just about home …
As I was coming off the highway the car behind me slammed into the back of my car. My first thought was, let me take off these silly hello kitty glasses. My second thought was do I smell like club? My third was, “how the fuck do I keep getting in these accidents that have nothing to do with me!?” I got out of the car to see if the other driver was okay and it turned out he was a young guy (not Asian – although that would go great with the racist theme of this story) that looked somewhat panic stricken.
Somehow there had also been another car broken down right next to the exit waiting for AAA that saw the whole thing. They came to rubberneck and offer their advice since coincidentally they were all mechanics and judging from their hesitant curiosity, and interjection that they were hungry may or may not have been high. I directed them to the 24 hour Arby’s and they helpfully suggested that the other driver looked like he might be drunk, and that he told them “he wasn’t really paying attention.” Great.
Long story short, my car is currently fucked, I have no rear bumper and can’t close my trunk. I’m hoping that the other kid’s insurance will cover everything. Since this is my second not my fault accident in less than a month (someone hit off my sideview mirror while I was parked) my insurance agent is probably putting an Asian female driver tax on my insurance policy. FML.